Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Watson, Schmatson; Haircut, Schmaircut


Emma Watson got a haircut. Now – as you might recall – we’re not the biggest Emma Watson fans here at The Portmanteau. It’s not that we have anything against the Harry Potter star per se; it’s just that we don’t get it. She’s a pretty-ish actor who stars in some films about witchcraft or something. Why all the hoopla and lucrative advertising contracts? OK yeah Harry Potter is apparently very popular (my attempt to engage with the movie franchise ended in a 3 hour snooze at the cinema) but this weird obsession with Emma Watson goes way beyond the normal attention paid to a young actor who has been in some high-grossing movies. Watson is feted as a style icon. I can accept that my views on Harry Potter are unpopular and I readily admit that I know very little about JK Rowling’s creations but fashion – fashion I know. And Emma Watson’s style icon status is wholly undeserved. She seems to have acquired the tag after doing nothing but turning up to premieres and parties in boring, blah, way-too-old-for-her ensembles. Or even if the dress isn’t too old for her, like this Rodarte number for example, she somehow manages to make it dull. A lot of it is down to the make-up and posing. She’s kind of mousy – sorry – so she should really learn to brighten things up with orangey red or bright pink lipsticks. Also forget about mumsy brown eye shadow – you were born in 1990 for crying out loud! I doubt she cares what I think though as she garners huge praise every time she goes anywhere. Even The Daily Mail has never said anything vaguely mean about EW and they don’t hold back when it comes to red carpet criticism.

Anyway, she got her hair cut. It’s really short. And everybody is saying it’s nice. Except it’s not really. I completely recognise the impulse to cut off all your hair; I hate too-long, Amish-style hair. I think those girls who are proud that they can sit on their hair are creepy, especially when their hair is straight and mousy brown. I want to run after them with highlighting kits and scissors. “At least cut a fringe into it,” I long to scream. But short hair – properly short like Emma Watson’s – is really hard to pull off. Vogue put together this slideshow of the best of the short haircuts and while some people do carry it off – Audrey Hepburn, Jean Seberg, Halle Berry, Ginnifer Goodwin – others, like Kate Moss, Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller, look way better with longer locks. And those people are really pretty and don’t have to worry about double chins and the like; things that prohibit the rest of us from cutting all our hair off. So yeah Emma Watson even though you actually took a sartorial or trichotological or whatever risk for once, you have still failed to win me over. LE

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The News

So calling this post The News is entirely inaccurate. Nothing about this post is newsworthy or even current and up-to-date, rather it is a little collection of stuff from the internet that I have enjoyed recently.

First up is the Jezebel video that features Rachael Zoe saying “literally” about 500 times. Literally. Well not actually literally, but you know what I mean. Yeah, I sympathise. I say “literally” all the time too. When I hear it pop out of my mouth I acknowledge it and say, “Oh I just said literally – sorry,” thus adding about 6 extra words to my sentence and ensuring that people stop listening. But it’s a word I find hard to eradicate. Like “like”. And “whatevs”. There is hope though: when I was in school my friends and I got into the habit of saying “physically” out of context. “I am physically freezing.” “I physically really don’t want to go.” “I think I’ll just like physically ignore him until he actually gets the message.” Yeah, we were really annoying. Anyway, I never say “physically” anymore. Not even when it would be appropriate. So there you have it: it is possible to rid yourself of an annoying verbal tic. Behold the Zoe on Jezebel.


Fashion blogs tend to be sexless. Often bloggers post images of themselves enjoying their perfect day, which usually includes a cup of tea, a wander around some vintage shops and a perusal of a particularly nice coffee table book. It’s all very pleasant, which is fine, but you do sort of wonder if that really is anybody’s actual, like physical, idea of a perfect day. Like literally. Surely these people’s lives are more interesting than that. I mean I think they are; they just aren’t willing to blog about it. Understandably. But now – thanks to Miss V from Men I Wish I Hadn’t Slept With – we have a fashion insider who is willing to share all. I was alerted to this blog a couple of months ago by Harriet Walker from The Independent and in the intervening time, Miss V has begun to get some nice media attention. She’s been featured in the Indy and in Time Out. Miss V doesn’t really focus on fashion at all but she does raise important points that must be considered by those working in the fashion industry, the pros and cons of having sex with a male model, for example. As an overall read, it’s entertaining in the same way Bridget Jones was funny before she became the ultimate loser thanks to the movie: embarrassingly honest and easy to identify with whilst providing a little peek into the London media/fashion scene.

My favourite Mad Men-related story comes from No Good For Me, who played Fuck, Marry, Murder with the Sterling Cooper office. Laura Jane got to the heart of the matter when she said she would fuck, marry and murder Don Draper. Which makes sense. But then I also wouldn’t mind a bit of Roger Sterling or Ken Cosgrove. Hmm. Anyway, it’s a good game. LE