Saturday, July 10, 2010

Boys We Fancy World Cup Special

Apologies are due. We have been off the radar for a really long time but in our defence, it has been really, really hot and the world Cup has been on. How we are supposed to concentrate on fashion when we are busy cultivating crushes on various World Cup participants?

Paul the Octopus
OK so Paul may not be the most traditionally handsome but what he lacks in good lucks, he makes up for in sybilline talent. How amazing would it be to have a boyfriend who could actually predict the future? A normal boyfriend, when drafted in to advise on a conundrum, suggests doing logical stuff like writing a boring list that “weighs up the pros and cons.” But I don’t know if the pros outweigh the cons. I can’t figure out if it’s best to stay or go. The lists just confuse me further and end up in angry, little crumpled piles. Paul could actually tell me what the right thing to do is. And anyway, I think he’s kind of cute. For an octopus. L

John Terry
John Terry is hot. It’s as simple as that. His many detractors claim that he “looks like a hedgehog” and is a “crap defender” but his lean body and crumpled face mean that he was one of the most handsome players taking part in the World Cup. OK he has a knackery hair-did but hello – makeovers are what being a girlfriend is all about. His pirate costume on recent trip to Disneyworld highlighted the fact that he has the potential to be devastatingly attractive when you take away the strip and the spitting. Alright, there is that “affair” with Vanessa Perroncel but she has told Grazia and FHM that “nothing happened” so I’m willing to overlook it. And yes, his parents have been in trouble with the police – dad Ted for dealing cocaine, mum Sue for shoplifting – but you can’t pick your family, eh? He's gorgeous. L

Joachim Löw
We were devastated to see Germany knocked out on Wednesday as this means no more drooling over manager Joachim Löw. For the entire tournament, he kept us swooning with his well-cut suits, retro mop and v-neck blue jumper. The trademark jumper was as much a star of the World Cup as the vuvuzela with German fans begging him to wear it believing it was a lucky charm for the team. I don’t know much about the jumpers’ talismanic qualities - all I know is Mr. Lurve looked damn good in it. The jumpers have flown off the shelves of Strenesse in Deutschland with everyone clamoring for the Löw look. But the ultimate Löw style follower is assistant Hansi Blick (best name ever) who mirrored his boss’s OF for every match. Aprés the World Cup, I can see Jogi ‘n Hans getting their own show on Living, a Deutsch version of Trinny and Susannah for men. N

Diego Maradona
If Löw brings the style to the touchline, then Maradona brings the crazy. From coke addict to tax dodger to almost dying six years ago, he staged a remarkable comeback at this World Cup. His campaign was endlessly entertaining, providing many moments and quotes to cherish. It began with him running over a photographer’s foot on the way to the Argentinian FA HQ to announce his team ("What an arsehole you are!How can you put your leg there where it can get run over?”). "When asked about his new beard he said "I grew it because my dog almost ate my mouth and left me a big scar."And who could forget his affectionate embraces for his players although The Portmanteau was relieved when he insisted "No! I like women! .. so people, don't think I've turned over." Such a pity Argentina won’t get to lift the Jules Rimet trophy– Maradona had promised to run naked through Buenos Aires if they had won. N

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